Wednesday, December 30, 2009


So during the Holidave's I looked around my place and decided that rather than collect ALL the Star Wars stuff...I was going to concentrate on Astromech the new f•cking obsession begins. R2 Change Resevoir! Godd•mmit!

KymminNC's Etsy store for purchase deets.

Friday, December 25, 2009

Baby •GEEK•LEE•TIST• wishin you Holiday Awesome!!

Click the pic for the hugest version...

This was the best f•ckin Xmas that I can remember as a chylde. I wanted a ghetto blaster so hard! Chris Brown had one, even Mark Hirschi had one. Although it's red and teeny as sh• played Thriller and Van Halen all the same. Oh and check that b•tchin a$$ Pac Man shirt!! There are some Lazer Blazers in there. I recently aquired a new set of Lazer's a Skeletor set...and he's pissed as balls.

Seriously...I f•ckin love you all like candy. Hope you got your ghetto blaster this year!

Thursday, December 24, 2009

And a ball gag in my mouth please....

(sing above title to the tune of 12 days of xmas)

So much amazing f•cking sh•t in this picture. 1st the couch...that sh•t is identical to my couch and makes me wonder...did they borrow it for their sexy time? 2nd Liquid Silk! Come on...anyone whose needed to get into those teeny tight spaces has used Liquid's the silkiest! 3rd...human tied to doorknob...kinda hoping that's me...

There's more. Tell me what you see!

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Sunday, December 20, 2009

R.I.P. B. to the M.

DAMN!! Looks like our hopes for 8 Mile II Electric Boogaloo are shot to sh•t! BM you're gonna be missed...none of us will forget your transformation from gnarls to beauty in Clueless and in tribute...Carlos Santana wants to play you out. VIDEO

Friday, December 11, 2009

Dear Father X-mas...

I'm sorry I been bad mouthin ya. I've reformed...let's start fresh. I BELIEVE! I again believe in your jollieness and cheer.

This year for X-mas I would love the only motherf•cking, sh•tmazing tool I will ever need.

That would be rad of ya...
PS• Please see Amazon Wish List if you have any other questions.

Found via the one and only Zeblue Prime follow him...great fella...he once told me how NSFW a post of mine was...It was.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Best scene ever in my opinion...get in my mouth.

Well cover my man tits in Magic Shell stick me outside then lick that sh•t off!! I don't remember this scene...I'm gonna have to go back and revisit this classic! Wish I could remember the words to the song...Circle of LIFE b•tches!!

Special thanks to EGDeedy and Crystaluni for helpin me member the words to the song!

Russian Rocket My Ass

This sh•t is a f•ckin WORMHOLE!

They're here dudes...they've visited me in the past. *I ain't bullsh•ttin* They'll come over at 3 AM mark my words...invite em in. Make sure you got some Flamin Hot Cheetos and some Cherry Cokes...that's how they do.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Sandwich Pap Smear anyone?


You gotta click on these godd•mn sammers they're HAAAUGE! Sh•ts almost scratch-n-sniff they so big!
Above: Thanksgiving Left Over Sandwich: Dark Meat Roast Turkey, Turkey Skin, Sprouts, Swiss Cheese, Jellied Cranberry Sauce, Turkey Gravy on an Roll

F•CK! That's what I'm talkin bout...don't be skimpy with them sprouts or cran and sh•t...that's the best! Oh, and that SKIN...THE SKIN!!

Above: Homemade: Ham, Provolone, Mayo, Salt and Vinegar Potato Chips, On Whole Grain bread

You're sh•ttin me right!? You go and make this sammy all healthy and junk with your whole grain bread...BOY HOWDY!

Check out Scanwiches on Tumblr they post a new "scanwich" every few days er so. If you wanna I can call ya and tell ya all about em. Holla...

Edward James Amos or Tori Olmos...I can't decide.

I f•ckin LOLLED while I was makin this piece of sh•t last night. FTW!

Edward James Olmos
+ Tore your Anus...whoa she's rugged as the Rockies!!

Twang Twang Twang

This f•ckin gatling gun shoots rubbers and 504 of them b•tches!! You know that if I had this I'd be Point Breakin the sh•t outta some banks...f•ckin takin people out safely...after all I don't believe in violence unless we're murderin a theater full of Twi•Hards In that case I'll load this f•ckin gun full of piano strings and decapitate some b•tches.

I'll do "whatever" it takes if someone would just make this gun for me...anything...really... INTSTRUCTIONS HERE

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Don't you dare f•ck with Ronald when he's hungry

I've met some guys-n-dolls that get cranky times when their f•ckin hungry but nothin like Mr. McDonald!

Friday, December 4, 2009

So many ifs...

If the planets could align.
If Kurt were into boys.
If David were into boys.
If Dave bought Kurt a drink.
If Kurt accepted Dave's drink and attempt at foreplay as his shirt hangs 4 buttons open enticingly.
If Axel Foley were playing...settin the mood all sorta sexual style.
If they danced the nite away gettin wasted on Diva Daiquiri's...providing a smooth segway to naughty times.
If David's eggs accepted Kurt's seed.

If I were into boys.

The result would be the perfect love chylde...DAVID LEE RUSSELL! Get into it!

Freddy Rogers

Holy f•ck balls...this sh•t is funnier than Daniel takin a dildo in the turd cutter worn by Lady Elaine Fairchilde!! And...that noise would be hiliarious!!

Found via The Daily What. Always some excellent jizz on that site!

Thursday, December 3, 2009

How bout we make apple juice and fax it to each other...

CHRIST!! This sh•t right here made me trickle the yellow from my yellow water hole into my underwears!

Wanna give Crystaluni and GodlessGirl some sweet sweet beard kisses for makin me laugh so hard!

I'm Han Solo! You f•ck with me, you f•ckin' with the best!

This mash-up Scar Wars does nothing but get me wet. In the name of Jesus Christ Amen.
Big hugs to Geek Trooper for makin my morning just a little f•cking warmer.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Nah...a Lightsaber duel I haven't seen....

Long time ago (2007) in a galaxy far as f•ck away (Britain) I me thinks...

Originally created for the fifth annual Lightsaber Choreography Contest...where in the name of all that's holy and has boobs is this f•ckng contest!!? I need in. I got some sweet skills with the saber!


This sh•t right here is so f•ckin cool, makes ya wanna move to the Taiwan!

F•ckin go check out Counter656's vids on Youtube Maybe your b•ner for robots will get as big as'll take time and a lot of stretching but don't feel bad...someday you'll get the length you deserve!

Monday, November 30, 2009

Next time on...Vipera Crest

The loving Cobra family. Sits majestically on a sweet swirly rock thinger in their casual clothes...unbeknown-st to them the Queen of the Snake Bird B•tches is gettin ready to reveal her hideously beautiful mammory scales to the stay at home wife of CEO and business mogul Mr. Cobraham...all cause he cheated on her that one time. Queen of the Snake Bird B•tches, said she was gonna...but Mr. Cobraham thought she was full of sh•t! OH MAN!! Mr. Cobraham you're so f•ckin busted!!

Personally...I think Ms...Cobraham soon to be Jeffersnake has way better mammory scales.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Dwang Dwitt is dwalented!

I'm sure I've seen Dwitt's art before and just never f•cking realized it. Wasn't until I was doin my daily Etsy surf for cool shit to spoil myself with, that I found this amazing fucking food art. And coincidentally looks like Dwitt likes him some food too!!

Butter...nuffucking said.

What the f•ck you put butter on? BREAD B•TCHES BREAD!

Sometimes when you're really f•ckin hungry and there isn't any candy around you might have to gag down some motherf•cking fruits. I know, I's a last resort sorta dealie but this art piece sure gets a thumbs up!!

Last but not least we gots the elixir of life. Sh•t that without it I'd stab myself in the love muscle with a mechanical pencil. Thank Crom for coffee!

So, Dwitt's Etsy store has f•ckin sh•ttons of rad sh•ts on the cheap! Buy that noize! He's also a blogger, check out Dwitt Daily's This fucking sketch of a Hot Doug's Hot Dog has that afore mentioned love muscle all ready for love...if you know what I mean...•wink wink•
Someday Hot Dougs...I will be stuffin your wieners in my ball washer.
One more thing about this dude known as "Dwitt" pages and pages of rock posters are displayed on GIGPOSTERS This cat is f•cking everywhere!!

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Toss PetSalad's Coins

Heads I win. Tails I win.

This cat right here name of PETSALAD Has some coin pendant type dealies for sale on Etsy. These shiny titbids have got my jewelry lovin ass all juiced up like my long time tradition...Aloe Sundays!

Christ! What do you f•cking choose? The PORKLACE? *SHUT UP* Or the TITNICKLE!!? And this shit right here is double the bang for your buck. Not only do you get a sweet bare ass coin necklace jobber but you get to back that b•itch up with the holy grail of lady bits bizness necklace! I mean if you're lady won't let you tattoo titties on your neck then why the fu•ck wouldn't you get the next best thing!

Oh and on a side note. Tuesday evenings aren't only for Tacos...there be a need for a little Conan the Barbarian Soundtrack love. Sh•t is saga-mazing to the fantasy power!!

Friday, November 6, 2009

Yeah I'm a foody...what of it?

So yeah...I like food. I like the way it tastes, spreads, smells, and mostly how amazin it becomes when aiding us with our sexual intercourse times.

I also dig food art...and this cat YEEEEEEEEEHAÜ! (That's the way we fucking Utahns do) has some great fuckin food prints! If you know me at all you know which one of these bitches is my fave. YUP! The Corn Dog man gettin ready to make babies with the Candied Apple hussy!
I need all these fuckers hangin in the kitchen...but it may clash with my porno kitchen theme I currently have rockin up the joint. Maybe I'll have em hangin by the masturbation machine (see they know...).

Buy Yee Haw's art here at his Etsy Store cause he MUST be fuckin HUNGRY!!

Chewy might be gay, but...he's all right by me

Take a moment to google "chewbacca guitar". I don't know why I did just seemed like a search that needed to be done. Below are some of my favorite'll see why.

Chewy likes to party like the rest of us. Just cause he prefers the leather bars and has sex with other boy Wookies doesn't make him any less fucking awesome!! His codpiece is the raddest. I tried calling him to see where he got it. Asshole wouldn't tell me.

Now...what the fuck is going on? Why didn't Chewie get a fucking medal you racist sons-a-bitches!? Is it a medal that burns the fur right off any Wookie it touches? If so, they shoulda made one outta fucking wood and hooked a brother up!

Awesome...Da Vinci knew his shit.

I want this Pinstriped Chewie tattooed on my FACE!

Chewie...I like your style. So fucking smart to bring your own lawn chair while you wait for the bus!

Now supposedly this is the death of Chewie...looks glorious as fuck if you ask me and I bet he's just mad at his boyfriend for breakin his fucking balls all the times! A guy has to show a guy who wears the pants in the relations-ship!

Friday, October 30, 2009

Star grid posters make my Starfish tingle

Click and Enlarge...these bitches are the coolest...

Course the these guys would be a hell of a lot cooler if there were a boob er too, but hey...I didn't fucking make em. Rest assured. Had I made these there would be boobs as well as perhaps a boner for the ladies and all would be wearing Star Trek or Cremaster gear.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Famous in Utah.

Like KFC, but inedible.
Now I love all things "Day". For instance the Daywalker, Days of Our Lives (I can't fucking believe they still use that goddamn hourglass), and any day I see a pink pool float!. I also got no problem with all things "of the Dead". Shaun, ORGY...bladdy bladdy blah and on and fucking on. Oh, yeah shit! I almost forgot our lord and saviour...I fucking heart the shit outta Jesus, and all God's creatures!
Well today just so's to happen to be on of them fucking sweet ass days when Jesus and Thor musta had a good day of tennis. It's like that time you found, and tried on your daddy's condoms!! Wasn't that the BEST!!?

Well, Miss Suziki hit us up with a link for pillows this afternoon. Yeah PILLOWS!! Suck it! We all use em! When you see these babies you'll know what I'm talkin bout!

First and foremost! The most amazing pillow aside from prehaps a Slave Leia piller...but as Jesus says

I gotta have this shit!! It would look the sweetest on my couch from the set of Mr. Belvedere!!
UGH!! Now the Day of the Dead felt pillow above is just incredible! I can't even swear about it. It's got and DEAD!! Sadly Kissy purchased the Day of the Dead pillow...but the Jesus Bearing Cross Straddling a DinofuckinSaur is still available. If any of you buy it I swear I'll shank ya with a popsicle stick I sharpened in the school yard!!
I'ma jokin! I'll just give ya the stink eye.
I chatted with Victoria The Germ(link to her Etsy Store) today on the book a little bit and she needs us to buy these bitches. As she said..."I'm super super uber poor and I need money! (I should really start getting back to sewing, but I just like basking in the glory that is my Utah fame!"
That's right she's "UTAH FAMOUS"! Bask Vick...BASK....Like KFC but inedible...


I'll hug it and kiss it and possibly have dirty sexy times with it.

It's only 7900.00 fucking dollars. I'm gettin it!!
If'n you need one too, check this bitch out at Sideshow Collectibles!

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Kneel before ZA!!

I was doin a little research, ya know like what the fuck is for lunch (even though it's 9 in the morn) and I came across this sweet azz za video!! I say...looks like pizza for lunch.

I'm gonna buy this bitch put it on my tee vees and watch it for days!! If you need this fucker as badly as I do and have a VCR. Don't dally!! Buy that bitch it's only 10 bucks...far less than the cost of a pizza. Unless of course you break the holiest of holy rules and go to...what the fuck is that joint called now it slips my mind...OH yeah...Little Sceasers.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Hem tlhIngan Segh 'ej maHemtaH 'e' wIHech.

Maybe an new fucking series...UGH! I hope so!

Check out this bitchin web page too! The translation towards the end of the video says you HAFTA!! For full fucking effect you should really watch the movie on this page.
Original post found via SYFY (gayest named channel on earth or any other known planet)

Do they sell bacon scent?

HOLY FUCK THEY DO!! SMELL IT HERE I'm totally buyin that shit to spray all over this new print I'm buyin.

It's bacony and it's fucking gonna be amazing with the scent of bacon wafting from behind it's frame!
Check out RADROBOT's ETSY page...sadly, he's not strictly a bacon artist. But, I spose it'd be hard in the streets if he was.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Kessel Run sounds more like a Triathlon to me

Below is a real life FB fucking thread between me and my pals. I love my fucking nerds!

Be scared there is a lot of math and junk in there...

Dave Styer
Woke up wonderin, just how long is a parsec. An hour, a day , a month? Just how fast did they make the Kessel Run anyway?

Will Stone
I think a parsec is a unit of linear measure like a light year.

James Brown
Very similar to a "click" i believe

Dave Styer
I stand corrected.
Han Solo claimed that his Millennium Falcon "made the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs". A parsec was a unit of distance, not time. Solo was not referring directly to his ship's speed when he made this claim. Instead, he was referring to the shorter route he was able to travel by skirting the nearby Maw black hole cluster... Read More, thus making the run in under the standard distance. By moving closer to the black holes, Solo managed to cut the distance down to about 11.5 parsecs. The smuggler, BoShek, actually beat Solo's record in his ship, Infinity, but without cargo to weigh him down.

A few months later, Han Solo beat both his own and BoShek's records in a run he made with Luke Skywalker.

James Brown
Han is a badass, period

Ashley Phillips
that's like what happened on cannonball run.

Dave Styer
ASHLEY!!!! It is! How's GA? I miss ya!

Ashley Phillips
there's a lot of sick here but it's still nice and southern. how's the utah?

Melissa McKim
3.25 light years which is a distance but sort of an amount of time as well if lightspeed is indeed constant which is what it is all based on so there ya go.

Carolyn Rittweger
DUH! ;)

Melissa McKim
urm...i used to be into like space and shit.

Dave Styer
The Utah...hmmm...Hamthrax just came to my work, so I think I'll probably get it. Just Mid-Westerny I guess.

Alan Ralph Berg
I remember reading the Han Solo Trilogy when I was a boy and yes a parsec is the distance, but it seemed to me he was talking about 2 weeks it took him to do that run.

Dave Styer it takes how long to travel a light year M? I NEED TO KNOW!!

Melissa McKim
9.4605284 × 1015 meters thank you wikipedia

Melissa McKim
ack that's supposed to be the 10 to the power of 15!

Dave Styer

Melissa McKim

oh and one regular year.

Dave Styer how long does it take? Maybe this is why the people at tootsie had such a hard time findin out how long it took to get to the guts of a tootsie pop?

Melissa McKim
well the point of it all is that it takes a year to go a light year travelling at the speed of light so...han solo is wrong. AWESOME but wrong.

Melissa McKim
thank-you mr owl? ;)

Dave Styer
So 3.25 x 12 RIGHT!? 39 years!! It took him 39 years!!

Melissa McKim
quite a lifespan those hot space pirates got huh?

Dave Styer
Yeah! He looks good!

Tristin Tabish

nerdiest thread ever! LOVE IT!

Melissa McKim
math, star wars, semantics...what more could you want?!

Dave Styer
My brain hurts.

Dear FACEBOOK, thanks for ruining this post with your gay ass CAPTCHA! SPORTS!! UGH!

Friday, October 23, 2009

Nothin says FriDave like Arnold in a Turban

Member when his eyes got all bulgy at the end...that was the fucking best. Arnold I'm sorry you got screwed on your well deserved Academy Award in 1990 it was fucking bullshit!